Sick and Tired

As I type this I am surrounded by the sour aroma of day old puke- my favourite place on my favourite sofa was pretty decimated by a vomit bomb delivered with death defying precision by my 18month old. I need to scrub a little more, the lemon scent of detol has lost the battle currently to regurgitated veggie sausage and beans but I guess the worst thing is still I sit here.......

You have to understand I’m very, very tired, since 3a.m. this morning I was abandoned by my partner who sloped off to the spare room just as two little hot poorly boys turned up. The 18 month old squirming and moaning into a comfortable position.

‘Really?’ I questioned as he seemed to settle into a position that surely no one on this earth could find comfortable, his red hot head and hand dyer breath need to be sandwiched on my forehead, his body balanced on my hip bone, his legs wrapped around my middle and his tiny radiator hands clutching at hair, pyjamas, flesh whatever’s there.....

Any attempt at finding comfort myself, the slightest roll off my hip bone or sweep of my hair led to such an awfully sad whimper of a cry I just stayed  as still as possible enduring the pins and needles, numbness and general sleepless uncomfortableness – well that’s what mums do isn’t it?

The four year old added his own heat lamp to the situation by wrapping around both of us like a particular tricky Jenga game.

They both appeared to sleep with complete ease.

The next morning brought the usual, ‘Who can stay off work?’ questions – me this time, he did yesterday because I had a meeting I didn’t want to cancel, though today I was going to be observed and I’ve got so much to finish!

But for him..... well Thursday is his last day. He has to finish the handover of all the buildings he will never see built and say goodbye to the colleagues he will leave. Redundant.

Then decide.

What to do next? Should he stay at home while the kids are little and the economy is as shot as it is? It’d ease my guilt a bit but could he cope?

Last week, we took the four year old to his swimming lesson and on arrival realised we’d left his swimming trunks at home – in the heated discussion that followed my partner said,

‘I put them back in the bag last week!’

......and this gentle reader is what he meant, after last week’s lesson, like all the other lessons he has taken him to he screwed up wet trunks and towel in the bag and brought them home. He honestly thought that was all that is required; he had no idea if left they would be stinky and mouldy.

 He had no idea that I take them out of the bag launder aloe vera scent into them, dry them and replace them in the bag...........

Come Dine With Me

Come Dine with Me

I noticed last year when my four year old was in nursery increasingly fewer parents picking up children and pairs of children, girls first ponytails bobbing in the wind off to each others’ house for tea – a play date.......

My boy always the late developer was invited on his first play date today, exciting stuff! Or so you think! He was invited by a boy who he really likes, we saw him just outside school once and despite obviously being with him all day and despite my boy being officially (the speech and language therapist put it in her report!) ‘Extremely shy’- my boy screamed, shrieked and bellowed this boy’s name, over and over and over into the wind, louder and louder until the boy finally turned round and gave him a wave!

So, when his mum approached to invite him over I thought he’d be thrilled, actually he was a bit scared and shy and wanted me to come with him.

“I can’t darling” I said, “I don’t know Johnny’s Mum!” - imagining myself, pushily inviting myself along only to sit in uncomfortable silence bar the clock ticking in the poor woman’s kitchen while the kids played merrily...overprotective? I don’t think so but there are just so many things he could get wrong, say wrong or soil!!!

I later heard him say to his Nannie, he couldn’t go because I wasn’t friends with Johnny’s Mum! Worried word might get round in the tight-knit mum community that I was so picky and unfriendly I wouldn’t allow my boy to go on play dates – does word get round like that? Who knows? But just in case..... I arranged for Johnny to come to our house – this suited my first born, he’s usually good about sharing his toys and is happy in his own space.

My boy is quite the follower and copied practically everything his friend did including eating peas instead of the usual complaining so that was a bonus.

It’s been funny watching my first born showing off his toys and a bit heartbreaking realising his Moon Space Station and Lunar Jim do not impress his cool friend who has older sisters and playstations and Xbox and a wii. Eventually we found some action men and transformers kindly donated by his big cousin that seemed suitable fun.

It is a little un-nerving hearing his friend – who is a very sweet normal five year old talk about ‘punching in the face’.......but only the baddies at least, my attempts at, ‘Well we could take them to jail.....’ not really taken up either boy, and I’m sure I even noticed a look of scorn contemptuously flash across the baby’s face, punching in the face being the only way they could conceive of dealing with baddies! I not for the first time and without doubt not for the last worry again about bringing up boys......

World Book Day

World Book Day

Happy World Book Day everyone! Did you all know it was world book day? Of course you did every single Mum in the land does and is busy packing off their offspring to school with pyjamas and a bedtime story, dressed as their favourite character or like my four year old wearing a home- made hat that represents their favourite book.

Can’t you tell your teacher you like pirate books as we already have the costume? Do you have to say you like Mr Tickle? How the flip am I going to make that, orange tights and masking tape? Yikes! Do you have to wear Ben 10 pyjamas can’t you go in your Thomas the Tank Engine – No mum that’s for babies!

Making the hat was quite the half term project, I can definitely understand the mums that just make it for the kids what a faff getting him to ‘help’........my boy’s concentration is not quite what it might be at one point I was trying to get him to trace (trace my friends, not write, not hard!) ‘I can make a hat’ that was all but because he wanted to eat a cheese string at the time, his little mind wandered away

‘Just do this first, honey’ I said.

A little eye sparkle and he began tracing, ‘I .....can.....make.......a cheesestring!!!!’

‘No honey, it says ‘I can make a hat’ read it again for me’

‘I.......can......make...a cheese string!!!!!’

Screams of laughter!!!!!

‘Oh yes, very funny darling, but don’t say that to the teacher. ‘She’s already put you on the special needs register don’t want her to think you’re completely bonkers and make no sense at all at least keep it in context!

But how that kids mind works is sometimes beyond me - last week we went to an art class and made a volcano island what do the boy think was neccassary and wouldn't budge till we'd made it? - A car park!

So off we went to school this morning hat masking taped together old milk box from the baby and cardboard to make The Mad Hatters Hat with extras......oh yes my friends extras a bottle that says drink me, a cake that says eat me, a drawing of Alice, white rabbit and dormouse inside a teas pot – impressive eh?

Well it might have been had it fit on the four year olds head......Have I mentioned my boys have giant heads?!!

It fit him when we began to make it but almost Wonderland like in his physical qualities (Tweedle Dee!) the boy’s head must have grown in the week it took to make the hat! The addition of a ribbon to tie it on only served to exaggerate the problem......I was thinking of changing it to a hat about the Princess and the Pea – the hat looking pea like balancing on his bulbous (but don’t get me wrong beautiful!) head – but we didn’t if he wears it for 4 minutes of the day today I’ll eat my own hat!